Mr. Sandman: The insults were flying at...

Mr. Sandman: The insults were flying at the Southern California Sports Broadcasters Assn. meeting the other day. After telling a couple of long-winded jokes, emcee Jim Gillis introduced Dr. Joe Riggio, an anesthesiologist who was attending as a guest.

“Dr. Riggio put me to sleep a few months ago,” Gillis said on a serious note.

“And now you’re returning the favor,” cracked former Times columnist Don Page.

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Pulpit Fiction: Just when you thought every crime novel genre had been taken--there are detective stories featuring everyone from rabbis and cats to gay insurance adjusters--along comes Wally Davis with another.

Davis’ “Suspended Animation” has no graphic violence or sex. And the strongest expletive used is “jerk.” It’s a Christian murder mystery.

“The idea is that people who go into a Christian bookstore will know my book doesn’t contain gratuitous violence or explicit sexual scenes,” said Davis, a detective with the La Palma Police Department in Orange County. “It’s possible to tell a good story without that stuff.”

His protagonist is ex-cop Gil Beckman, a security guard for a Southland amusement park who discovers the body of a murdered employee.

The novel contains several references to religion, but they are often leavened with humor. Discussing one Christian colleague, for instance, Beckman says: “He ate a lot of chocolate bars. Food abuse is common in Christian circles. It’s an acceptable sin. Overeating is the only thing they can do without guilt.”

What the heck.

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Drop that pitchfork!But enough about God. Let’s move on to the Devil, who was, in fact, arrested earlier this week near the Lincoln Boulevard off-ramp of the Santa Monica Freeway, after allegedly shaking a 6-foot-long pitchfork at passing cars.

“He had horns and a tail,” reported Santa Monica Police Sgt. Gary Gallinot. “And he was wearing a red wet suit that made it appear he was naked--with pubic hair and chest nipples showing, and a penis in the appropriate place.”

The freeway Lucifer identified himself as a UCLA graduate student who was performing in a film project called “The Devil Tour ’94.”

He was cited for walking on the freeway and filming without a permit, as were a cameraman and a crew driver, who were dressed as humans.

Upon leaving the station, the dehorned star refused comment, telling one reporter: “The devil’s not talking.”

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Don’t drive on empty: Cliff Dektar tipped us to a merchant’s sign off Franklin Avenue in Hollywood that claims it can make the freeway commute less hellish.

miscelLAny John De Paolo, the principal of Cheviot Hills High in West L.A., received a form to nominate a school nurse of the year--or, as the title was abbreviated, “SNOTY.” Pass the Kleenex.