LAUGH LINES
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Say a Little Prayer: “According to a study, heart patients do better when somebody is praying for them. They do even better when somebody prays for the doctor.” (Daily Scoop)
The Harding Way to Party: Tonya Harding has strapped on her ice skates once again. “I believe she celebrated her return by going clubbing afterward.” (Andrew Wisot)
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The Essential
David Letterman
Top Signs the Money Is Going
to Martha Stewart’s Head
10. Now making doilies out of original Van Goghs.
9. Just for a laugh, bet a few million on the Braves.
8. New book: “Make Your Own Potpourri, Suckers. Martha’s Moving to Aruba.”
7. Compulsively washes hands after coming into contact with non-billionaires.
5. Purchased Canada--redrawing provinces in delightful floral patterns.
2. Old catch phrase: “It’s a good thing.” New catch phrase: It’s a very good thing you couldn’t afford in your wildest dreams.”
1. Now arranges table settings using global-positioning system.
Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.
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