Just What’s Needed After a Hard-Driving Commute--the Freeway Game!

And now, it’s time for “Dr. Roadmap’s L.A. Freeway Game!” All traffic, all game long! With its “simplified map of the central L.A. area freeway system,” the $19.95 board game will enable you to “enjoy many hours of entertainment,” says its creator, David Rizzo, a traffic commentator.

I don’t know about you, but after a day of battling SigAlerts, tail-gaters and lane-swipers, there’s nothing I’d rather hear than my kid saying, “Dad, let’s play the ‘L.A. Freeway Game!’ ”

Freeway fun (cont.): In Rizzo’s defense, he also says the game is educational.

The goal is to see which player can reach City Hall first while listening to traffic reports on a compact disc that comes with the game.

But you can “foil the progress of opposing players by pulling them over and forcing them to answer traffic school questions,” he says.

I know what you’re wondering. No, even though this is L.A., you can’t pull over opposing players at gunpoint.

No house calls, please! After reading his doctor’s hernia post-op instructions, Gary Lueders of Palm Springs quipped that “my wife does not like the idea of demonstrating our sexual activity to the doctor” (see accompanying).

Her own walk of fame: While the Chick Hearn name-a-street contest continues, Rod Samonte points out that actress Reese Witherspoon seems to have quietly been honored with a street bearing her name--and her likeness--in Burbank (see photo).

Translation, please: Dick Harmon of San Juan Capistrano found a parking sign whose instructions would appear to require several hours of study before a motorist dared leave the car (see photo).

Food for thought: In his bestseller “Fast Food Nation,” author Eric Schlosser notes that after McDonald’s opened in San Bernardino, it adopted a winking chef named Speedee as its mascot. But a problem arose when a mascot named Speedy was created for an upset-stomach remedy--Alka Seltzer. “It seemed unwise to imply any connection,” Schlosser wrote. And so poor Speedee lost his job to Ronald McDonald, that clown.

Waiting game: In one of his witty commentaries for KNX-AM (1070) radio, Kent Shocknek told of a neighbor who has devised a sadistic system for dealing with annoying telemarketers.

When the solicitor calls, the neighbor reacts enthusiastically, in order to allay suspicions. Then he asks the telemarketer to hang on a sec while he finds a pencil.

But he really goes back to what he was doing.

Four minutes or so later, he comes back to the phone, apologizes, and says he’s sure he’ll find a pencil if the caller can just hold on. He lets four more minutes pass and repeats the process. And keeps repeating it until the caller gives up. I think Shocknek said he’s kept some on the line for 15 minutes.

This exercise should be turned into an Olympic event.

miscelLAny: Today’s “duh!” award winner was spotted by Jeanne Chesley Barney of Hollywood--a package of Arm & Hammer Super Scoop “clumping litter” that bears a silhouette of a cat and is described as “veterinarian recommended.” The package says: “Safe to use around pets.”

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Steve Harvey, who is safe to read around pets, can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, ext. 77083; by fax at (213) 237-4712; by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012; and by e-mail at [email protected].