Dolphins Make Perfect Mess of It

Brian Schmitz of the Orlando Sentinel doesn’t hesitate to take a whack at the Miami Dolphins, who took a dive from AFC East leader to missing the playoffs after a 27-24 overtime loss Sunday to New England.

“They have become the all-time chokers in the month of December,” the Sentinel columnist wrote. “Understand, there has been a lot of stiff competition for the dishonor through the seasons. Many an unworthy candidate has collapsed on the calendar’s cue, but none of them could match the unfathomable crash of the 2002 Dolphins ...

“Just as there will always be a special place for Miami’s Perfect Team of ‘72, there will now be a special resting place for Club Collapse of ’02.”

*

Trivia time: Which school has won the most bowl games?

*

Her spin: Martina Navratilova, a nine-time Wimbledon singles champion who is openly lesbian, on Damir Dokic, father of tennis player Jelena Dokic, saying he might commit suicide if he discovered his daughter were a lesbian:

“It’s a good thing that I am not his daughter, then. Maybe it’s too bad I’m not.”

*

Liars club: Mike Bianchi in the Orlando Sentinel commenting on some of the biggest lies ever told:

“I’ve only had two beers; no, honey, you don’t look fat in that dress; anything else ever told to you by a sports coach, owner or administrator.

“They all lie. It’s in their contracts and, in the case of George O’Leary, on their resumes.”

*

Still hurts: Rick Morrissey in the Chicago Tribune, commenting on Notre Dame’s 44-13 loss to USC:

“With everything on the line, including public affirmation, the Irish got Carson Palmered ... Coach Tyrone Willingham insists the loss Nov. 30 didn’t leave a bad taste in his mouth.

“ ‘Sometimes over four weeks you lose your taste buds,’ he said, his nose growing an inch or two.”

*

FYI: Three Rose Bowl games have ended in ties:

* California-Washington & Jefferson, scoreless, in 1922.

* Navy-Washington, 14-14, in 1924.

* Alabama-Stanford, 7-7, in 1927.

Before the 1922 game, a sportswriter ridiculed Washington & Jefferson by writing: “All I know about them is that they’re both dead.”

*

Mouthy: New York Yankee owner George Steinbrenner to the Boston Globe on Larry Lucchino, the chief executive officer and president of the Boston Red Sox:

“He talks out of both sides of his mouth. He has trouble talking out the front of it.”

*

Looking back: On this day in 1984, UCLA defeated Illinois, 45-9, in the Rose Bowl game.

*

Trivia answer: Alabama, 29. The Crimson Tide has played in the most bowl games, 51.

*

And finally: Jeff Gordon in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch nominates professional eater Takeru “The Tsunami” Kobayashi, 24, as the sportsman of the year.

“[He] slammed down 50 1/2 hot dogs (and buns) in just 12 minutes to win his second straight world championship in wiener eating.

“Kobayashi weighed in at just 113 pounds. After pounding the 50 1/2 dogs, he weighed 120 pounds.”

-- Mal Florence