A True Disney Experience Will Have to Begin Before the Movie Credits Roll

CNN noted that the coming Johnny Depp movie, “Pirates of the Caribbean,” is “based on a longtime Disney theme ride.” Wonder if that means spectators will wait in line for 30 minutes to see a show that lasts 10 minutes?

But can you take them for a test ride? Marge McNair of Rancho Palos Verdes quipped that she found a shop in Park City, Utah, where parents who haven’t raised perfect kids can exchange them for temporary replacements. Actually, the sign refers to equipment at a ski school for youngsters (see photo).

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From skiing to floating: Bill Tierney of Hermosa Beach read about an apartment’s bathtub that was so big, it evidently could accommodate several air mattresses (see accompanying).

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(Not) a driving-away “oops!” event: Julie Martina encountered a driver who purposely left something atop her car.

“Entering my mobile home park, I saw a car moving extremely slowly -- less than 5 mph,” Martina said.

The driver had a large bag “on the front hood, on the driver’s side, no doubt completely obstructing her view.” At last, Martina said, the driver reached her destination -- one of the park receptacles -- got out and deposited her cargo, a bag of trash.

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Speaking of cleaning up: One of the license plates featured on the knx1070.com Web site is MINYVAC, owned by Kathy Yakal of Los Osos. She explained that her Chevy Lumina resembles a handy household item (see photos).

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The dog ate my personal trainer: Accountemps, a staffing agency quoted in the L.A. Business Journal, said it has heard such classic late-to-work excuses as:

“I couldn’t find a tie to match my shirt.”

“My roommate locked me in the bathroom.”

“The line at Starbucks was out the door.”

And then there’s the old “emergency - run - to - the - plastic-surgeon-for-repairs” line.

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Smooth operator: Officers arrested a suspected thief soon after he exited a Redondo Beach shoe store. The guy, who had entered in a pair of worn sandals, took a new pair of shoes, the Beach Reporter said. Guess he thought no one would notice him putting the ragged sandals on the shelf.

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Dueling Harveys (cont.): I’ve groused about syndicated radio broadcaster Paul Harvey lifting items from this column without crediting The Times. But I’m relieved he didn’t credit me for his latest borrowing: the April 1 Only in L.A. bit about local scuba divers getting a chance to test the sewers of L.A.

Jerry Feldner and Mike Owen heard Harvey report it as a real event on a Thursday broadcast. Apparently he hadn’t read far enough into the column to realize it was an April Fool’s joke.

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miscelLAny: I saw a bumper sticker any true Southern Californian could understand: “Heading in the wrong direction? God allows U-turns.”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, and by e-mail at [email protected].